Parental Love?

Hey, so today I guess I’ll be talking about my parents? My parents are not very complicated but it’s not that simple either, it’s just hard.

I know many of you guys would be like “She should not be ungrateful to her parents, they were the ones who raised her.” I agree with you but in my family, I would try my very best to find the warmth family feeling, but I would always fail to find any. It’s like I always dread to go home, unless I want to study. Actually no. I can’t study at home. Why? There’s lots of distractions and my grandmother and maid would be shouting everyday. You tell me guys, if you could study in such environment.

Back to the point, so why don’t I have the family love feeling? Simple, I barely see both of my parents 4 hours a day. Both of them have jobs, and they would leave in the morning and come back like late at night. Yes, I’m grateful to be well-fed and have a roof to cover my head. However, I don’t know about you guys, but do you ever feel like you want your family to be poor? Like not in the bad way, let’s say in the good way. I know being poor your life is not easy. But looking at my parents, all they can think of is money. It’s hard. They rarely would interact with me unless necessary which is scolding. For example, my results, my character, etc. No, I do not have tuition, and no one helps me in anything except for teachers and friends (sometimes). Alright then parents, sorry for being stupid. They always expect me to score A’s. Why? I’m always afraid of my results, especially when my report book comes back and I need to get it signed.

It’s like the worse day ever.

I would get scolded by my mother, then by my father. Unless some days I am just lucky as they would go home late. But I don’t get it. My results are not THAT bad, it’s kind of average. For Mid Year Examinations, out of the whole Normal Academic secondary 3 cohort, I was the 5th position. Hello??? That’s something you should be proud of already. Comparing to my last year’s results which were bullshit, it’s quite a HUGE improvement. After seeing my results, my parents would always without fail to discourage me, because they have this mindset which is discouraging = encouraging. Sorry, but I do not agree with that. Why would any parent discourage their child thinking it’s a way of encouragement. No, to me, it hurts alot, and I definitely would get affected by it. Yes, whatever you guys can call me weak or whatsoever you guys want. But that’s just me. I don’t really show it to my friends because they don’t discourage me at all? In fact, they were the reason on why I decided to  improve and work harder in my studies. Without them, I think I’m nothing. Really, thank you all for the sunshine.

But then again, shouldn’t parents be the ones who support you more than anyone else? I really envy my friends’ parents, I really do. They all say they can understand me, but no they obviously don’t. Everyone has different parents, everyone received different treatment. If your parents pampered you so much showered you with lots of gifts, you can’t just say that you can understand I feel right? The only person who is able to understand how I feel is my sister. Kind of I guess. She talks to them way much more than me. In a day, I can talk to them with less than 10 words. Not kidding. I always try to find ways to talk to them, to approach them. But they would reply me with that strict tone I don’t know why. Like what did I ever do wrong? Do I deserve this? Not only that, whenever I talk to them, they would never fail to ruin my day. They would bring up my old mistakes and just criticize me and scold me again. Whatever I did in the past, WAS IN THE PAST. I did not repeat my mistakes right? So why do you guys keep reminding me of my worse times? Why do you guys not look ahead. Why can’t you guys just appreciate me and not expect more. My life is tough enough, I don’t need any more pressure from my family.

I really envy people with loving parents, I really do.

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aileenoal

Why hello there, I don't blog much and neither are my content interesting. But I sincerely hope that you find bliss in my blog.

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